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Biden Calls On Any Spirits Of Dead Lawmakers Present To Make Themselves Known After Jackie Walorski Doesn’t Answer

WASHINGTON—Interrupting his remarks Wednesday at the White House Conference on Hunger, Nutrition, and Health, President Joe Biden reportedly called on any spirits of dead lawmakers present to make themselves known after the late Rep. Jackie Walorski didn’t answer him. “Please, any senators or representatives who still manifest themselves here among us, I urge you to give us a sign!” said Biden, telling the audience that he had detected the spectral presence of Walorski, who died in a car accident in August, and that he could discern from the electromagnetic wavelengths in the room, as well as the eerily cold temperatures near his lectern, that multiple other deceased lawmakers were there too. “Jackie, are you here? Where’s Jackie? Where’s [late Indiana senator] Birch Bayh? [Deceased Massachusetts senator] Teddy [Kennedy], I can sense you are close by. And I believe I feel the presence of [late South Carolina senator] Strom Thurmond, if I’m not mistaken. Strom! Strom! Speak to us, Strom! You are all among friends here, and I know that you have unfinished business here in Washington. I beg of you, come forward! Let us help you pass the laws you were unable to see through during your lifetimes. Come forth, come forth! Reveal yourselves, O phantasms!” At press time, attendees at the remarks were watching in shock as Biden began convulsing and the voice of late Arizona senator John McCain spoke through his mouth about the importance of addressing the nutritional needs of rural America.



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