New STEM Program Teaches Students Skills To Appease Whims Of Capricious Tech CEO

CAMBRIDGE, MA—In an effort to improve their readiness for the real world, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced Monday the launch of a new STEM program that teaches students skills to appease the whims of a capricious tech CEO. “This new program updates the traditional fields of science, technology, engineering, and mathematics to prepare students for successfully sucking up to their future bosses and catering to their every impulse,” said Professor Randolph Kepner, the program’s director, adding that students would use the yes-man approach to drafting sycophantic emails and resolutely supporting an egomaniacal billionaire’s impractical and downright moronic ideas, a curriculum that is expected to prepare them for a long, stable career in the tech sector. “Students will also have hands-on experience of coding for 18 hours straight, sleeping overnight under their office desks, and turning a blind eye to ethical violations while also properly identifying and reporting any potential whistleblowers in the company. The program itself will be a high-pressure, stressful environment that mimics the reality of working under a tech CEO who is unable to control their own emotions, puts employees under constant threat of being fired, and often does fire them, only to ask them to return to work a week later when everything starts breaking down.” Kepner added that the STEM program would also cater to women and minorities by showing them how to comply with the sexist and racist environment that a reckless, self-absorbed tech CEO fosters.