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Report: Over 10,000 Pedestrians Struck Annually By Drivers Rushing To Beat McDonald’s Breakfast Cut-Off Time

WASHINGTON—A new report released Monday by the National Highway Safety Traffic Administration found that more than 10,000 pedestrians are struck every year by drivers rushing to beat the cut-off time for the McDonald’s breakfast menu. “Our estimates show that once every 15 minutes in the U.S., a pedestrian will be struck and killed by a car gunning down the street to place their order for a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle meal before the restaurant transitions to lunch at 11 a.m.,” said administrator Ann Carlson, who recommended that pedestrians keep themselves safe by using designated crosswalks to stay as far away from McDonald’s as possible, lest they be mowed down by a pick-up truck driver too hungry for hash browns to notice their body flying over the windshield. “In addition, nearly 1,000 cyclists are struck annually after getting decked by drivers who missed the cut-off time, but do an illegal U-turn in the middle of the intersection to see if the McDonald’s on the other side of town is still doing breakfast. We’d really advise that you don’t go for a walk or bike at all until the McDonald’s kitchen has stopped serving eggs.” At press time, Carlson added that 85% of the pedestrians who survived were so badly injured, they could barely crawl into McDonald’s to beat the breakfast cut-off time.

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