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Brazilians Terrified That Riot Could Lead To Tedious Congressional Hearings

RIO DE JANEIRO—In the wake of a pro-Bolsonaro mob storming the nation’s capital, Brazilians expressed terror Monday that the riot could lead to years of tedious congressional hearings. “Oh God, we’re going to have to sit through month after month of these bone-dry meetings where grandstanding politicians pat themselves on the back for defending democracy,” said Rio resident Adriana Santoro, echoing the horror felt by her fellow citizens as they watched footage of rioters ransacking government buildings, videos they already knew would be played hundreds of times until they lost all meaning. “After what happened in America, we told ourselves it could never happen in Brazil. But we were dead wrong. You can already see the gleam in their eyes, because they’re all thinking about how they’ll get to bring in some stupid little props and give boring-ass speeches about how brave they all are. Jesus Christ, they’re never going to shut up about this.” At press time, millions of Brazilians reportedly sat in muted terror as Majority Leader Aguinaldo Ribeiro announced the creation of the Comitê de 8 de janeiro.



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