ORLANDO, FL—After conducting a study showing the effects of hosting an expansion franchise, the city of Orlando reportedly launched a bid for a Major League Baseball team Friday in an attempt to make the city more unappealing. “With an MLB team in Orlando, we could see hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of additional tourists avoiding our city at all costs,” said Pat Williams, one of the leaders of local business group the Orlando Dreamers, who filed an application to build a $1.7 billion stadium with a proposal outlining the damaging long-term financial and cultural consequences of Orlando getting an MLB team. “An Orlando Dreamers franchise would massively lower the city’s profile and make it a destination for absolutely no one. In addition, the business and entertainment complex we plan to build around the stadium will create a dull cultural wasteland that will offer small businesses and established brands alike a chance to lose money to the complete lack of foot traffic. It’s the perfect addition to our drab and boring city.” MLB officials expressed significant interest in Orlando’s proposal, with one unnamed executive telling reporters that the league would leap at any chance to further dilute competition and get fans less excited in the sport overall.