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Scientists Ambivalent About Breakthrough After Bringing Hitler Back To Life

STANFORD, CA—During the muted celebration that followed a successful experiment expected to revolutionize the field of bioengineering, scientists at Stanford University expressed ambivalence Friday about the breakthrough technology they used to bring Adolf Hitler back to life. “I’m proud of our team’s efforts and the unprecedented advancement we have made, but we acknowledge our work does raise valid concerns about the consequences of bringing Hitler back into the world,” said biogeneticist and project head Loren Anthony, explaining that the researchers had already been forced to weigh the value of their scientific progress against the things the genocidal dictator had shouted at them since his corpse had been reanimated and he had regained consciousness. “He’s been walking around our lab sieg-heiling and giving speeches that, even with my limited German, I know can’t be good. On the other hand, science and technology must move forward. As we speak, there are probably other scientists working to resurrect Stalin, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Leopold II, and Genghis Khan, so it’s only a matter of time. These things are inevitable.” At press time, the scientists were testifying before Congress and asking the government to regulate their research, saying they certainly had no ability to stop such work on their own.



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