WASHINGTON—According to the results of a new poll released by the Pew Research Center on Monday, a majority of Americans believe that Larry Nassar is still having too good of a time in prison. “We found that 87% of Americans were ‘extremely concerned’ about reports that Nassar was stabbed in prison, with 83% expressing worry that the wounds would heal too quickly and 84% stating that the shiv could probably have been longer,” said pollster Valerie Rogers, who shared data confirming that the vast majority of Americans believed the former USA Gymnastics team doctor was having “way too much fun.” “The average American is very troubled by the fact that Nassar is currently in stable condition. They want to know how many times he was stabbed, and where. Did it hurt a lot? It could be no time at all until he’s out of the prison hospital and no longer being stabbed, and that’s a top issue on Americans’ minds.” At press time, the Pew Research Center published a new survey showing that 94% of Americans approved of Larry Nassar’s wounds.