Wednesday, September 27, 2023
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Elderly Senators Amused To Discover Their Strokes Syncing Up

WASHINGTON—Discovering the phenomenon as they all received emergency medical attention at the same time, several elderly senators reportedly found it amusing Thursday that their strokes seemed to be syncing up. “I’ve heard of this happening, but I honestly thought it was a myth,” a distant, glassy-eyed Mitch McConnell said as he looked into a doctor’s flashlight, noting that he, Dianne Feinstein, and Chuck Grassley had all been delighted by the synchronicity earlier that afternoon as they simultaneously came to from mental episodes while in the hallway of the Capitol together. “I suppose it’s bound to happen when you spend 50 years in close proximity, term after term, but we didn’t notice until today, when we all lost consciousness at the exact same moment. Then, when we compared the dates of our last several damaging brain anomalies, they all lined up as well! It’s kind of fun to go through it with other people. It’s almost like our blood vessels know exactly when everyone else’s are bursting and decide to do it, too. Maybe we can start coordinating hospital stays to spend even more time together.” At press time, the elderly senators reportedly realized they also used the same brand of super absorbent diapers.



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