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Fate Of Christmas Uncertain After Eric Adams Institutionalizes Real Santa

NEW YORK—Raising fears that the yuletide would not be made gay, New York Mayor Eric Adams reportedly institutionalized the real Santa Claus on Monday, leaving the fate of Christmas uncertain. Under the new directive from the mayor’s office, Father Christmas was seized by New York City police officers, who noted in their report that the man was babbling senselessly about possessing magical powers, and that the large sack he carried was obstructing the sidewalk. The decision drew backlash from critics who argued that Adams’ new policy would hamper, if not completely destroy, the joyful and beloved Christmas holiday. According to sources, Santa was unrecognizable after orderlies at Bellevue Hospital shaved his head and beard and injected a dose of Haldol into his neck that blocked all the Christmas spirit in his body. At press time, Adams had defended himself by presenting a list of names and addresses of children apprehended from Santa’s pocket.

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