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‘I Said No Gifts!’ Screams Mom As Cloud Of Birthday Presents Begin To Violently Swirl Around Room

HUDSONVILLE, MI—Glaring at the family members who had dared disrespect her wishes, local mother Clarissa Sandona reportedly screamed “I said no gifts!” Wednesday as a cloud of birthday presents began to violently swirl around the room. “I told you I have everything I need,” said Sandona, her hair fluttering in the wind created by the vortex of wrapped boxes and her eyes narrowing to emit a thunderbolt that shot a package straight through the air and into the chest of her nearest child, who went tumbling backward against the wall while everyone else in the room fled. “I said I didn’t want a big thing. Don’t you understand? We are so fortunate as it is. A simple card would have sufficed. The only gift I want is you!” At press time, witnesses confirmed the storm lifted and the presents fell to the floor after Sandona had opened one up to find a clay pot that she acknowledged was “really nice.”

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