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Leading Indicator Of Financial Stability Walking Around Back Of Restaurant Kitchen In Suit

CAMBRIDGE, MA—In what experts are calling the clearest marker yet of fiscal well-being, the National Bureau of Economic Research released a new report Thursday that confirmed the top indicator of an individual’s financial stability was walking around in the back of a restaurant kitchen in a suit. “The data clearly indicate that anyone wearing a nice suit among a restaurant’s kitchen staff is doing very well for themselves financially,” the report read in part, adding that it was safe to assume the suit person, who was often seen crossing their arms and calling over an employee to point out a mistake, was both important and rich, or else they wouldn’t be allowed back there. “Though it may be impossible to tell what this person’s exact role is, they are clearly well-paid for it, making enough money to own the assortment of expensive-looking bespoke suits they wear to the restaurant each day. At first glance, it may appear they are some sort of manager, but the actual manager is, in fact, someone who does not wear a suit and gets yelled at in front of customers by the suit person, who must be the owner or the owner’s friend or something.” The report went on to state that such a person was even more financially stable if they had a habit of rolling up their blazer sleeves as if they were going to do some work in the kitchen, but then never actually did.

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