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Man Dies After Being Pushed By Stranger Into Subway Restaurant

NEW YORK—Becoming the latest victim in a string of similar incidents taking place near the fast food franchise, local man Brandon Turner reportedly died Wednesday after being pushed by a stranger into a Subway restaurant. “You could see the horror in his eyes as he tumbled backwards toward the foot-long Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, his arms and legs just pinwheeling, helplessly,” said witness Kara Svoboda, who was on her morning commute to work when she saw a deranged man come up behind the 38-year-old New Yorker and violently shove him off the cement and through the gaping open door of the sandwich shop, where he was immediately slammed by the bread stench. “I’ve always been careful when walking by a Subway, keeping a distance of six or seven feet, but now I think I’m just going to have to avoid them entirely. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in over 50 years in this city. I know I’m going to have nightmares about this for the rest of my life.” At press time, sources confirmed Turner’s loved ones had taken consolation in the knowledge that he had at least died instantly.

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