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Nation Demands World’s Tallest Man Give World’s Shortest Man A Piggyback Ride

WASHINGTON—Calling on the radically different-sized fellows to finally fulfill their destinies, the U.S. populace reportedly demanded Tuesday that the world’s tallest man give the world’s shortest man a piggyback ride. “Let us be clear: the world’s tallest man must hoist the world’s shortest man onto his back and run around until the short man happily squeals like a little piggy,” said Iowa resident David Bergman, echoing the sentiments of 330 million Americans as he insisted that the world’s tallest man place his gigantic hat on the world’s shortest man so as to completely hide him from view, just before the world’s shortest man peaks out from underneath the hat and gives the tiniest wink. “Until our demands are met, we will accept watching the world’s smallest man eat the world’s largest pizza. We also wouldn’t mind if the world’s fattest twins were involved in some way.” At press time, the nation was horrified after the world’s tallest man accidentally crushed the world’s smallest man under his enormous shoe.

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