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Steve Bannon Arraigned On Public Indecency Charges For Going Around Looking Like That

NEW YORK—Faced with felony charges from the Manhattan district attorney’s office, former Trump advisor Steve Bannon was arraigned on multiple counts of public indecency Friday for going around looking like that, according to court records. “Your honor, as you can plainly see, it breaches the limits of human decency for this man to appear in broad daylight and reveal his grotesque, nauseating form to unsuspecting members of the community,” said lead prosecutor Greg Houston, shielding his eyes as he pleaded with the judge to hold Bannon in custody without bail, far away from the innocent bystanders who have allegedly suffered permanent trauma from gazing upon his carbuncular visage and revoltingly gingivitic smile. “Time and time again, the defendant has intentionally exposed his inflamed, misshapen features and cobweb-ensnarled hair to children, seniors, and the most vulnerable among us. It’s clear Mr. Bannon gets off on waving his befouled and pus-streaked face around in public. This sick man can’t help himself, not even at this very moment, in your courtroom. Just look at him, your honor—actually, please don’t, that’s not a good idea. But do make sure this defendant is not once again let go with nothing more than a slap on the disease-ridden pustules of his wrist.” At press time, the judge had ordered Bannon to be placed in quarantine until physicians could identify the mysterious yellow discharge currently draining from each of his orifices.

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