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Trump Uses One Phone Call To Dial Up Own Answering Machine To Hear His Voice

NEW YORK—After being arrested in Manhattan on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records, sources confirmed Tuesday that former President Donald Trump used his one court-mandated phone call to dial up his own answering machine to hear his voice. “Come on, Don, come on, I know you’re there…pick up, pick up,” said Trump, who, after grabbing the phone and dialing his own extension at Mar-A-Lago, waited for the phone to ring, and upon hearing himself say, “Hello, this is Donald Trump, I can’t come to the phone right now,” immediately screamed, let out a long sigh of relief, and sank to the ground. “Don? Don? Oh my God, it’s really you! It had been so long since I heard your voice. You’re the only one I’d ever call in a situation like this, you know that. Now, get me out of here. Hello? Hello?” At press time, the 45th president of the United States reportedly asked for privacy, shooed away his guard, then left himself a long message telling him in graphic sexual detail what he would do to himself when he was finally free.

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