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D.C. Journalists In Awe Of Australian Reporter Able To Speak To Trump Without Succumbing To His Raw Animal Magnetism

WASHINGTON—Still dumbfounded by an interview in which Australian reporter Jonathan Swan repeatedly challenged the president on his misleading statements about the coronavirus pandemic, D.C. journalists confirmed Wednesday that they were in awe of Swan being able to speak to Donald Trump without succumbing to his raw animal magnetism. “It’s truly remarkable that Swan could actually ask the president meaningful follow-up questions instead of just tearing off his clothes—I don’t know how he managed it,” said New York Times chief White House correspondent Peter Baker, echoing the astonishment of other reporters who recalled being so overwhelmed by the president’s intense sexual aura that they haven’t been able to challenge a single statement he’s uttered for his entire presidency. “Normally, when you interview the president, you’re ready with your statistics and a list of his previous statements to contradict the lies you know he’s going to tell, but within seconds the sheer libidinal potency of the man turns you to putty in his hands. Speaking for all my colleagues, we absolutely want to challenge Trump in real time to expose the extensive falsehoods and shocking offensiveness of his statements, but when you’re actually there in the room with him, you’re lucky if you’re able to squeak out even a weak ‘hummina hummina hummina.’” The awestruck D.C. journalists added that they had no idea how Swan managed to take a piece of paper from Trump and critique it right then and there instead of sliding to the floor after catching a whiff of the president’s animal scent.

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