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Tennessee School District Bans Holocaust Graphic Novel ‘Maus’

A Tennessee School Board has voted unanimously to ban Maus, a Pulitzer Prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust, prompting blowback from critics who say...

DNC Pours All Campaign Funding Into New York, California To Win Popular Vote By Even Greater Margin Than 2016

WASHINGTON—In an effort to improve upon the party’s two-point margin of victory in the 2016 presidential election, the Democratic National Committee confirmed Monday it...


Tech and Gadgets

Border Patrol Agent Starting To Worry He The Rapist Stealing Taxpayer Money

EL PASO, TX—Asking if it was possible that he had it backwards the entire time, border patrol agent Ralph Forte was reportedly starting to...
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Bloodthirsty Boy King Makes It Onto Forbes’ ‘30 Under 30’

JERSEY CITY, NJ—Honoring the sadistic royal for his success at such an early age, popular business publication Forbes announced Thursday that a bloodthirsty boy...

Performance Training

Jill Biden Invites Any Woman Who Has Ever Touched Basketball To Visit White House

WASHINGTON—After watching from the stands Sunday as Louisiana State University defeated the University of Iowa in the NCAA women’s basketball championship, first lady Jill...

Walgreens Announces Stores Won’t Sell Abortion Pills In 21 GOP-Led States

Walgreens announced that it will not carry abortion pills in several GOP-led states after receiving pressure from anti-abortion lawmakers and lawsuits targeting the legality...

Parents Trick Child Into Eating More Vegetables By Hitting Him If He Doesn’t Eat Vegetables

DAYTON, OH—Insisting that it worked every time, local parents Lewis and Dawn Ladin tricked their child into eating more vegetables Wednesday by hitting him...

EU Honors Angela Merkel’s Tenure By Giving Her Greece

BERLIN—In a ceremony to commemorate her stepping down from her post as chancellor of Germany after 16 years, European Union officials honored Angela Merkel’s...

House Elects Kevin McCarthy’s 8th-Grade Bully As Speaker

WASHINGTON—Awarding him the position solely on the basis of his proven ability to torment his predecessor, the U.S. House of Representatives elected Kevin McCarthy’s...
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Holiday Recipes

CHICAGO—Wearing a Tom Waddle jersey and armed with a pair of tongs, local NFL game day prepper Hank Pritchard reportedly stockpiled coolers of Bud...

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