Last-Ever Eye Contact In Human History Made

NEW HAVEN, CT—During an encounter in which two individuals held it for a brief moment before looking elsewhere, the last-ever eye contact in human history was reportedly made Monday. Body language experts who looked down at the ground as they spoke confirmed that the three seconds in which a supermarket cashier inadvertently locked eyes with a customer in a midsize Connecticut college town denoted the end of eye contact among Homo sapiens, an incident described as “the final nail in the coffin” for the outdated form of nonverbal communication that had been in waning use for decades. According to sources who pretended to read something on their phone while talking to reporters, eye contact—whether for the purpose of looking deeply into another person’s soul or merely as a sign of basic respect—had slowly given way to the practice of downcast eyes and, if necessary, a haphazard murmur in another person’s direction. Experts went on to say that while the phenomenon of meeting another human being’s gaze was now extinct, other people could still pose a threat, and that when encountering them, it was best to back away slowly and make a loud noise by yelling, banging pots and pans, or using an air horn.