New Uber Feature Lets User Remotely Detonate Ride Running Late

SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to bring more reliability to their ride-sharing services, Uber reportedly unveiled a new feature this week that lets users remotely detonate a ride that is running late. “We all know how frustrating it can be when you’re looking at the app, the driver doesn’t seem to be making any progress, and that arrival time keeps adding minutes, so now you’ll be able to turn your tardy driver and their car into a pile of smoldering ash at the click of a button,” said CEO Dara Khosrowshahi, demonstrating to reporters how the company outfitted every Uber driver’s car with a powerful plastic explosive in the glove compartment that could be remotely detonated by a user if they were displeased with their service. “If you notice that a driver is stopped or traveling slowly for any reason, there is an option for the user to start a countdown to the explosion to encourage them to pick up the pace, or you can go right in for the detonation. We want our customers to be satisfied with our service, so if your driver isn’t there when you expect them to be, you’re now empowered to wipe them and their car off the face of the earth.” Khosrowshahi added that the feature would continue to function once the passenger had entered the vehicle, explaining that if a rider felt unsafe at any time, they could detonate the explosive and blow up themselves and the driver as a preventative measure.