NEW YORK—Calling the discovery an encouraging breakthrough in treating serious CTE, a new study commissioned by the NFL and released Tuesday found that concussion symptoms completely disappear if you’ve had an even number of them. “It turns out that all the loss of memory and depressive feelings vanish within several minutes of having a fourth, sixth, or eighth concussion,” said lead researcher Gareth Vogel, who explained that every observed case of serious CTE in former NFL players over the years has been linked to ending their career without getting the resetting hit necessary to reverse cognitive decline. “While it’s true that a first or fifth concussion can negatively impact memory and functioning, getting just one more will completely reverse those effects. Players who experience a concussion and have trouble speaking or recalling what stadium they’re in should be sent immediately back out on the field.” Vogel added that if you retire after seven concussions, you should immediately hit your head against the wall to knock yourself back to normal.