INGLEWOOD, CA—Stressing that the decision was made for the protection of its citizens, the city of Los Angeles announced Sunday that it had bulldozed SoFi Stadium after receiving reports of thousands of vagrants convening there. “Unfortunately, we’ve heard concerns from numerous residents that this stadium recently became a hotbed for thousands of suspicious individuals, many of them rowdy and intoxicated,” said L.A. mayor Eric Garcetti of the decision to demolish the stadium effective immediately, noting that the city had received countless complaints about the noise and eyesore created by the groups of the questionable individuals grilling on the sidewalk and painting their faces in menacing colors. “We just want to make this area a pleasant spot for Angelinos to congregate and commute to work without having to worry about some mentally disturbed individual screaming at them about Cincinnati. Honestly, some people didn’t even want to cross the field with their kids for fear of being tackled.” At press time, the city had announced plans to convert the entire site into a large multi-story parking garage.