THE HEAVENS—Dutifully feigning interest as the celestial being recalled the incident, the ascended soul of late Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek politely listened to an archangel’s lame anecdote about the time he saw a bear, sources from on high confirmed Monday. “My friend and I went to Yosemite once, and this big black bear just appeared out of nowhere,” said the Archangel Michael, Prince of the Heavenly Host, who continued to recount the forgettable story as the beloved TV personality reportedly gave a cordial nod and tried to wrap things up. “We didn’t have any bear spray or anything, but it was fine, since it was pretty far away and, for the most part, they’re shy and timid creatures. Apparently with black bears you’re supposed to make yourself appear larger, but with grizzlies you’re supposed to play dead. They don’t have grizzlies at Yosemite, though. Just black bears, and I’m not sure if this one even noticed us.” Before the archangel could finish the story, Trebek is said to have cut him off and begun speaking to the Archangel Raphael, who had a story about a time he served James Gandolfini in a coffee shop.