Thursday, February 22, 2024
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Cop Has Weird Feeling He Forgot To Cover Something Up

COLUMBUS, OH—Noting that he was supposed to conceal some type of damning evidence but could not for the life of him remember what, local police officer Frank Herlihy told reporters Thursday he had a weird feeling he forgot to cover something up. “I don’t know exactly what, but there’s something in my gut that’s telling me I was supposed to frame someone else for a crime I committed,” said Herlihy, adding that he swore he did everything he needed to do to absolve himself of guilt, including turning off his body camera, scrubbing his DNA, and planting a weapon, but there remained a nagging feeling that he had messed up something. “Hmm, let’s see—I already crafted an airtight alibi, bribed a judge, and burned most of the evidence. Ugh, I know it could be used against me, but I should probably just make a to-do list of all the stuff I need to falsify. Oh! Maybe I can drive by the crime scene again and that will jog my memory.” At press time, Herlihy had cocked his gun, jumped into his patrol car, and sped off with sirens blaring after remembering that he stupidly left a key witness alive.

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