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Employees Disgusted By Frail, Malformed Child Produced By Forbidden Relationship Between 2 Coworkers

PORTLAND, OR—Noting that this was precisely why such relationships were prohibited by human resources, employees at Celera Solutions reportedly grew disgusted Friday at the sight of the frail, malformed child produced by a forbidden relationship between two coworkers. “Look at its pale transparent skin, and its deformed limbs—this unsettling thing is an affront to all that our office handbook’s HR sections stands for,” said office assistant Jason Levin, who reportedly recoiled with displeasure at the revolting product of the unholy union of their fellow department members. “Dear God, did you two not take the office romance training module emailed out in Q1 seriously? You are too close! This is why you must have at least three departments of separation. Do you not understand that abominations like this cast into doubt the very existence of a just and caring department manager? No, this child was born out of the sin of intercourse within the same company! It must be destroyed!” At press time, the terrified and disgusted coworkers had reportedly torn the abominable child out of its parents’ hands and tossed it from the seventh-story boardroom window.

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