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Fans Stunned After Adele Shares Photo Of Her Newly Molted Body

LOS ANGELES—Calling the British singer–songwriter’s slimmed-down face and chitin-based exoskeleton “almost unrecognizable,” fans told reporters Monday they were stunned after Adele shared a photo of her newly molted body. “Wow, when I saw her post a picture of herself rocking those razor-sharp pincers and her two additional rows of super thin back legs, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Los Angeles resident Katy Reed, adding that even though she looked great before, the 16-time Grammy winner was clearly ready to show off her recently hardened cephalothorax and opisthosoma regions. “The truth is, I’ll love her music whether she’s a size 10 or a segmented arachnid studded with highly sensitive tactile hair. The most important thing now is that I hope she feels happy and healthy with her new stinger, which can apparently deposit a lethal dose of venom when she chooses to deploy it.” At press time, several celebrities had come under fire for perpetuating the dangerous misconception that Adele was somehow less beautiful without her impenetrable shell and powerful 5-foot tail.

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