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‘How The Hell Did Such A Weird Sport Get In The Olympics?’ Says Man Watching Golf

SHAKER HEIGHTS, OH—Decrying the changing standards for international competition, local television viewer Edward Jensen exclaimed, “How the hell did such a weird sport get in the Olympics?” while watching golfers compete for a gold medal Wednesday. “They’re just hitting this little ball and playing in sand sometimes?” said Jensen, who expressed confusion over why each golfer was using different equipment. “They have these guys wearing these big bibs, but they just stand around all damn day. I swear they just make up these Olympic sports. I’m supposed to care about some guy trying to hit a ball over a tiny lake? I could do that. And it never ends—I left to run errands and it’s still on the TV.” At press time, Jensen wondered aloud, “When did throwing a freaking disk become an Olympic event?”

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