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Jameis Winston To Freeze Knee Until Future Generations Find Cure For Torn ACL

NEW ORLEANS—Looking to the distant future for the hope he felt he could not find today, Saints quarterback Jameis Winston opted Thursday to cryogenically freeze his knee in the hopes future generations find a cure for a torn ACL. “I have no hope with today’s technology, but I’m hoping in 500 years we will have advanced to the point where we can fully repair an ACL,” said Winston, who locked his knee into a pod lowered to a temperature of negative 250 degrees celsius and said it will be stored underground with strict instructions to not be unfrozen until ACL can healed without complication. “I’m committed to do whatever it takes to get back on the field for the Saints, whether it’s 2022 or 2522. Some players don’t have the commitment to seal their appendages a thousand feet underground in an experimental bunker, but I’m a leader, and I need to be there for my team if we want to compete for Super Bowl DLXVII.” At press time year 2343 Winston’s knee had awoken horrified to a world run entirely by sentient frozen ankles.

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