AKRON, OH—Expressing pride that the curriculum he helped put in place was already bearing fruit in critical areas of study, LeBron James revealed Wednesday that students at his I Promise elementary school have seen huge gains in English, math, and dunk testing. “I’m truly humbled to be making a difference in my community, where so many of these kids tested way below the national average in tomahawk jams, and now they’re on pace to rank in the 90th percentile for both chemistry and alley-oops,” said James, who credited the school’s small class sizes for giving the kids the hands-on attention they need to learn how to “really throw it down.” “We’ve seen dramatic improvement across the board, from reading comprehension and arithmetic to jump shooting and Jelly layups. It’s amazing to watch kids who could barely even palm the ball a few years ago slam home windmills like it’s nothing. Of course, these are still young kids, so they have to continue making strides until they’re able to dunk a regulation-sized basketball—which is a graduation requirement.” At press time, James had announced a new scholarship program to help Akron-area high schoolers gain admission to prestigious Ivy League dunking programs.