LOUISVILLE, KY—In an apparent effort to sneak a quick peek at the voluptuous buttocks he spotted out of the corner of his eye, a local man was seen Wednesday turning his head to catch a glimpse of the backside of a duck waddling down the street past him. “Damn, them tail feathers got me weak,” 24-year-old Patrick King said to himself, biting his lip and attempting to remain subtle as he twisted his neck around to watch the meaty hindquarters of the waterfowl bound from left to right. “You could bounce a quarter off that plumage. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind getting me a piece of that tail. Mmm, mmm—a thigh or a drumstick wouldn’t be too bad, either.” At press time, King was reportedly offended after the duck refused to give him its phone number.