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Nauseous St. Patrick’s Day Reveler Unsure Whether He’s Going To Vomit Or Punch

BOSTON—As he switched between dry-heaving one minute and flailing his arms around the next, nauseous St. Patrick’s Day reveler Randy Adler, 28, announced Friday he was unsure whether he was going to vomit or punch. “Ugh, I don’t feel right—maybe I’m gonna hurl, maybe I’m gonna beat the shit out of somebody,” the local man said as he stumbled through Paddy O’s pub, trying to figure out if he needed to throw up the eight pints of green beer he had drunk so far that day or just assault a complete stranger. “Oh God, get out of the way, I’m going to puke…no, no. But I am going to start wailing on one of those guys at the bar maybe! It’s hard to tell. Probably best to stand back either way.” At press time, Adler had reportedly vomited on the bartender before making it to the bathroom in time to punch the toilet bowl.

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