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NBA Fans Admit They Could Have Used Longer Break From Chris Webber

WASHINGTON—Lamenting the quick turnaround from the 2020 NBA “Bubble” to the start of a new season, the nation’s basketball fans admitted Thursday they could have used a longer break from TNT broadcaster Chris Webber. “Sure I’m worried about injures because of the compressed schedule, but more than that we really needed a longer layoff from listening C-Webb drone on about nonsense,” said Wizards fan Len Marcus, who commended the NBA for shortening the regular season to 72 games, therefore limiting Webber’s opportunities to deliver meandering anecdotes and hapless guesses as to what players are thinking. “You don’t realize how much you need that four-month break until you’re out there listening to Webber improvising a new catchphrase. It’s never been easy to sit through all his takes, and this shortened off season only makes matters worse. I understand that the league didn’t want the season to end in October again so fans wouldn’t have to listen to Chris on an atypical schedule, but this is taking a serious toll on my mental health.” At press time, millions of NBA fans worldwide signed a petition urging Turner Sports to give Webber the year off.

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