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NBA Figures They Garnered Enough Praise To Let All The Players Get Covid Now

NEW YORK—Rationalizing that the league was effectively above criticism at this point, a spokesperson for the National Basketball Association confirmed Tuesday that they had probably garnered enough praise from last summer’s “NBA Bubble” to let all the players contract coronavirus during the upcoming season. “We’re riding high on five months of adulation for the way we handled the bubble, so whatever happens next won’t really matter,” said NBA commissioner Adam Silver, who reasoned that the sheer number of fluff pieces written about the league’s coronavirus-free post-season should give them free reign to host super-spreader events across the country. “Our legacy is pretty much secured at this point. We already did our part to contain the spread—a few hundred Covid cases this year won’t take that away. It’s probably a good idea to make sure that LeBron or Giannis don’t catch it, but who gives a shit about the other guys? We don’t really expect any push back, since we got a free pass for trapping our players in Disney World to recoup lost revenue.” At press time, Silver figured that if the NBA didn’t cancel games after Kobe Bryant’s death, then they won’t have to if a player succumbs to coronavirus.

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