ARLINGTON, TX—Revealing hundreds of humiliating and bigoted messages wired by the Cowboys owner last century, The New York Times released a trove of hateful Jerry Jones telegrams Wednesday in which he repeatedly slams the Ottoman Empire. “The Sultan and his brainless Mohammedan hordes are fools for thinking they have any right to rule the Levant,” said one of Jones’ messages, which contain repeated insulting references to the Anatolian people as “greedy spice merchants,” and “butchers of the Balkans.” “I told the Czar he should have crushed that rabble when he had the chance, but now the whole world still trembles in fear of those degraded pirates. Hopefully the Greeks will have their revenge and soon the world will finally be free of the Ottoman menace.” At press time, Jones was refusing to resign as Cowboys owner citing those opinions as completely normal considering the historical context of Texas in the year 2021.
