PUEBLO, CO—With the body it was attached to measuring well below average, a local penis was reportedly feeling self-conscious Wednesday about how small his man was. “I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but I have a lot of insecurity about the size of my man,” said the set of genitals, adding that it couldn’t count on the underwhelming man to get much bigger, either. “It’s just so embarrassing when a woman looks at Jeremy and you know all she’s thinking about is how tiny he is. They may say size isn’t important, but with a guy this small, I have to assume it is.” According to sources, the penis later consoled itself with the observation that while its man may never measure up to its hopes, he was, at least, notable for his girth.