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Pete Alonso Asks Teammates Whether They’d All Rather Sign Up For Volleyball This Year

NEW YORK—Citing the group’s general lack of enthusiasm about the idea of playing another season of baseball, New York Mets first baseman Pete Alonso reportedly asked his teammates Friday whether they’d all rather sign up for volleyball this year. “We’ve been doing the baseball thing for a while now, but everyone gets so bored by the end, and besides, we’re not even that good at it, so I think we should switch it up and play volleyball instead,” said Alonso, adding that it would be way less of a time commitment to play volleyball one night a week in an intermediate rec league at Brooklyn Bridge Park for a couple months instead of 182 games of baseball for which they had to travel all over the country. “Volleyball seems way more fun than baseball. You get to switch positions and also move around a lot, which is probably a better workout. Plus, I bet some of the taller guys like [Jacob] deGrom and [Dellin] Betances could probably spike the ball over the net. I think we can be honest with ourselves by now that we’re never really going to get anywhere with this baseball thing, and it sucks to just keep losing to teams that are way better than us, so let’s just sign up for something where we can actually have fun.” At press time, the Mets clubhouse had devolved into a heated argument after Juan Lagares said that volleyball sounded even worse than baseball and suggested just going bowling instead.

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