Unprepared Tim Cook Frantically Taping Battery To Pair Of Sunglasses For Apple Event

CUPERTINO, CA—Muttering “Come on, come on” under his breath as he attempted to bind the two objects together, an unprepared Tim Cook was frantically taping a battery to a pair of sunglasses ahead of his keynote at the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference, sources confirmed Monday. “I’ll call them, uh, the all-new Apple Lookers—or no, how about the Apple Eye Mirrors?’ said the company’s CEO, who wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead and cried out ‘Just a minute!’ from behind stage as he struggled to tear off a piece of duct tape with his teeth. “Goddammit, why didn’t anyone tell me this thing was today? If they ask too many questions, I’ll tell them it’s a prototype. Too bad there’s not any time to paint them. I have some white-out in my desk that would have looked great. At press time, Cook was giving a demonstration of the device by putting the sunglasses on upside down and muttering ‘Beep boop’ out of the corner of his mouth.