WASHINGTON—In his first official State of the Union Address, President Joe Biden reportedly begged the nation Tuesday evening to leave a tired old man alone. “I was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1972—1972, do you hear me?” said Biden, who highlighted the multitude of objectives he had accomplished thus far into his term, including putting up with “you people” and holding on as long as he has. “Please, as your president, all I am asking the American people for is some peace and quiet. Spare me your polls and press conferences, for these weary bones could care less about approval ratings. I desire rest now. Good night.” At press time, Biden was hovering over Nancy Pelosi, attempting to take her chair.