WASHINGTON—Wiping their brows as they pushed through hour after hour of hard, honest work, the nation’s politicians confirmed Tuesday that they were exhausted from another long day of tirelessly serving the will of the people. “Between listening carefully to our constituents and then doing everything in our power to improve their lives, we’re absolutely beat,” said Sen. Alan Klemke (D-KS), echoing the thoughts of every public office holder in the United States, each of whom had, once more, put in a 12-hour day fighting against powerful interest groups to ensure ordinary citizens would have the ultimate say in how they were governed. “Whether it’s forging compromises with those who hold views different from our own or overcoming systemic challenges to do what’s best for the country, this job takes a lot out of you. It’s not easy to put everything you have into resolving the issues that plague Americans, especially the poor and disenfranchised—but you see, that’s what we signed up for.” At press time, the nation’s politicians had reportedly rolled up their sleeves to approve a shadow war in Oman.