WASHINGTON—Responding swiftly to the credible threat, Congress was reportedly forced to cancel its Thursday session after authorities warned of a looming plot to pass the stimulus bill. “Intelligence officials have informed us of a deeply unsettling plot to pass a nearly $2 trillion stimulus bill—a frightening plot that may have involved members of the House of Representatives itself,” said Senator Ron Johnson (R-WI), who confirmed that his fellow legislators in the Senate were taking every precaution necessary to keep the alarming relief plan at bay. “Many of the details are still unclear, but we know they’ve been plotting this for months. We have reason to believe it may go as far back as the Georgia runoffs. If these disturbing reports of a child tax credit are true, we may have to erect a permanent fence around the Capitol building to keep everybody out.” At press time, Johnson added that if this plot hadn’t been intercepted, millions of Americans could have gotten the financial assistance they needed.