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Excited Parents Inform Only Child He’s Going To Have A Little Competitor For Their Love And Attention

AKRON, OH—Sitting the 4-year-old down to share their big news with him, Ella and Demetrius Hayes informed their only child Tuesday that, before long, he was going to have an adorable little rival for their love and attention. “Someone new will be joining our family, and pretty soon, you’ll have a baby brother to [compete] with!” said Ella Hayes, offering an indication that her firstborn would need to step up his game, because there would be a new kid in town wanting his share of the generous, but inevitably finite, supply of affection and emotional support provided by his parents. “I know you’re good at sharing, so I’m sure you’ll want to share your [mother and father’s limited amount of time and material resources] with him. Just remember that Mommy and Daddy love you very much, and that will never change [though, human nature being what it is, your parents may grow to love your younger sibling more than they love you, no matter what they tell you to the contrary about not having a favorite].” At press time, the young boy had already begun competing against the unborn challenger for his parents’ attention by throwing himself onto the floor and screaming for a toy while the family shopped for baby furniture.

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