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Last-Minute Change To Super Tuesday Primary Rules Requires All 14 States To Vote At Same Polling Place

CLARKSVILLE, AR—In an effort to reduce confusion and improve transparency, Democratic National Committee officials confirmed that last-minute changes to the Super Tuesday primary rules would require all 14 states to vote at the same polling place. “We want to consolidate the process and cut down on red tape, so Democratic voters casting ballots in any of today’s 14 primary races need to report to Pyron Elementary in Clarksville, AR before polls close at 7:30 p.m.,” said DNC chair Tom Perez, adding that voters from Alabama, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, and Virginia should check in at the table inside the auditorium, accessible from the school’s north entrance, while those from American Samoa would be caucusing in the gym. “Clarksville is centrally located in the middle of the country, which we hope most people will find convenient. We expect the line to stretch a good 20-30 miles long, but once you reach the voting booth, you’ll be in and out—bang—in about 10 minutes. We encourage everyone to be patient, and I recommend bringing enough food and water to last several days. A folding chair probably wouldn’t be a bad idea, either.” At press time, volunteers manning the Clarksville location confirmed that only two of the five voting machines were currently working.

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