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Loyal Russell Westbrook Fan Tired Of Buying New Jersey, Relocating Whole Family Every Year

ROCKVILLE, MD—Furrowing his brow at the cost of housing while looking at listings in the Los Angeles area, loyal Russell Westbrook fan Marc Freeman told reporters Wednesday that he was getting tired of buying a new team jersey and relocating his whole family every year. “I love Russ, but it’s getting tough to try and make new friends in a new city every single year,” said Freeman, who bemoaned the chore of purchasing a new hat, acquiring a new poster for his basement rec room, changing his car registration, forwarding all his mail, and finding a new health insurance plan whenever a disgruntled Westbrook forced his way onto a new team. “I hope he stays put in LA for a few years so my kid can go to the same high school all four years. Although I grew up in Oregon, so maybe he can force a trade to the Trailblazers so I can at least be near my family again.” At press time, Freeman was shuffling through papers to try and understand the complications of going through divorce proceedings in two separate states.

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