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Marianne Williamson Materializes On Stage In Cloud Of Purple Smoke With Message That DNC Polling Requirements No Match For Power Of Positive Thinking

HOUSTON—Startling the 10 candidates who qualified to participate in the event, Marianne Williamson materialized on the debate stage in a puff of purple smoke Thursday, proclaiming the Democratic National Committee’s polling requirements were no match for the power of positive thinking. “The DNC thinks I need to get at least 2% in four qualifying polls, but they think so small,” said the author and presidential hopeful, who announced that by unlocking a deep and powerful mental space at the core of her being, she could participate in the debate at Texas Southern University despite having failed to meet the “narrow-minded” threshold set by party leaders. “By avoiding all negative thoughts and putting mind over matter, I have been able to transcend mere material concerns such as poll numbers. While I don’t have the necessary support of voters, I do have something far more valuable: a profound belief in the oneness of all living things.” At press time, sources confirmed a podium of pure light had sprung up before Williamson as she began to answer a question from George Stephanopoulos about how she would respond as president to an economy on the brink of recession.

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