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NCAA Wonders Why Financially Struggling Student Athletes Didn’t Just Exploit Labor Of Others

NEW YORK—Expressing confusion over players’ work ethic, NCAA president Mark Emmert wondered Friday why financially struggling student athletes didn’t just exploit the labor of others. “We understand students may often feel financial pressure, but they did not need to ask us for money when they could simply go out and profit off other kids in desperate situations,” said Emmert, recommending that athletes could simply build an arena with nothing but an endowment or their inheritance money and then rake in cash from events and concessions that they do not even have to take part in organizing. “I’m not quite sure why these young men and women don’t take some initiative, find some struggling people, and skim profits off their work. There are millions of people in this country you could do this to, from rideshare drivers to food service workers, and you could make millions while still having plenty of time to study and go to practice. It’s literally the easiest thing in the world to do.” At press time, Emmert announced the NCAA would be garnishing 90% of any profits student athletes generated from independent business ventures.

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