NEW YORK—Weeping into his hands as he realized everything he worked for had been destroyed in an instant, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Monday that the league has been bankrupted after receiving a bill for $6.3 trillion from the hospitals that employ the 7,500 healthcare workers who attended the Super Bowl. “They were only there for a few hours and we didn’t even need any treatments? What are we going to do?” cried Goodell, who had spent the previous four hours on the phone with the NFL’s insurance company, only to be told it was a standard charge and there was nothing they could do to help. “A hundred years and it’s all gone with one medical bill. How do they expect us to pay this? We could sell off every team and it still wouldn’t even come close. They didn’t even warn us either, they acted like it was no big deal and then they slam us with this bill just because 7,200 of these people were out of network. I’m going to be in debt the rest of my life.” At press time, an NFL GoFundMe to pay for the bill had raised $792.