Nick Cannon Opens Adoption Agency

SADDLE RIVER, NJ—Smiling at the crowd of journalists and supporters as he posed for photos during the official ribbon-cutting ceremony, Nick Cannon reportedly opened an adoption agency Tuesday. “For all of the people out there who are struggling to conceive at least 12 children, I’m here to help,” said Cannon, the actor, media personality, and extremely virile 43-year-old man, who explained that the nonprofit agency was his way of sharing his gift with the world. “Whether you want five children or 25, stop by for a visit to Nick’s Kids today! Or visit our website, NicksChildren.com, and fill out an application with your name, address, and how many of them you want. Come and get ’em while they’re hot!” At press time, Cannon announced his agency was expanding to dozens of locations around the country.