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Patrick Leahy Announces He Won’t Seek Reelection To Make Room For Next Generation Of 70-Year-Olds

WASHINGTON—Stressing that he already had his turn in the seat of power, Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) announced Monday that he would not be seeking re-election in order to make room for the next generation of 70-year-olds entering politics. “It’s time we let some fresh, septuagenarian blood into this place,” said Leahy in a press conference, explaining how this new wave of politicians is better equipped to deal with the pressing issues facing the nation, such as the Vietnam War and stagflation. “Although it fills me with sadness to leave a post I’ve held for nearly 50 years, these fresh-faced go-getters can more effectively address the needs of their constituents given that their hearing isn’t totally shot. The future is now in the hands of those who can still climb the stairs of the capitol without assistance and remember what bills they’re voting on that day.” At press time, critics were questioning whether a politician born in the 1940s has enough experience to deal with the contingencies of the job.

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