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Post-Debate Poll Finds Majority Of Viewers Agree America Was Waste Of Time

WASHINGTON—Mere hours after the closure of the first 2020 presidential debate, an Onion-Zweibel Poll released Wednesday found that the vast majority of viewers agree America was a complete waste of time. “In the wake of the contentious clash between former Vice President Biden and President Donald Trump, we’re seeing nearly 63% of debate viewers expressing their strong feelings that the United States of America never should have happened in the first place,” said chief pollster Dr. Elias Ross, explaining that when discussing the existence of America, 53% of those surveyed described themselves as “annoyed” or “infuriated,” while 17% thought the country was a total waste of the past 243 years, and only 1% asserted that they continued to have neutral or positive feelings toward the nation. “Meanwhile, a plurality of our sample believe that we should take the unprecedented step of simply canceling America from here on out, saying that it contributed nothing of substance to their lives and actually made their outlook for the future substantially worse. Overall, these are very low numbers for America at this stage in the republic. Frankly, I can’t see how the country turns things around.” Ross added that one survey participant after viewing the 90-minute debate had even gone so far as to call Thomas Jefferson “unhinged” and “behaving like a crackhead” for ever putting forth the idea of representative democracy.

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