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Regular Been Coming To Local Diner Long Enough To Know All The Forks By Name

JERSEY CITY, NJ—Watching him settle into his favorite corner booth for a late breakfast, sources reported Monday that local regular Dale Jenkins has been coming to Miss America Diner long enough to know all the different forks by name. “Lenny, Frank, Alice—how the hell are ya?” the man said to three of the diner’s many unique, water-stained pieces of silverware, which he has reportedly been on a first-name basis with for the past decade, his frequent visits enabling him to strike up an intimate conversation no matter which shift it is when he stops in. “What’s new? Alice, last time I saw you I believe you were about to take a trip through the dishwasher, weren’t you? How’d that go? I know I say this all the time, but you guys are the best, always greeting me with a nice shiny welcome and putting all the tasty food in my mouth. Good company, too! That reminds me—any word from Professor Tines? I’m in here three or four times a week, and I ain’t seen him around lately. Anyhow, I brought pictures of my weekend at the Shore to show him. Thought he might get a kick out of those.” At press time, Jenkins had been declared a hero by other patrons who had witnessed him jump into action to catch his favorite fork Ron before it fell to the floor.

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