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Study: More Americans Moving To Sun Belt To Get Head Start On Living In Scorched Hellscape

TUCSON, AZ—In preparation for the blazing agony on the horizon, more U.S. residents are moving to the Sun Belt to get a head start on living in a scorched hellscape, according to a new study released Friday by researchers at the University of Arizona. “Our data shows that the marked increase in migration to the southern half of the United States is primarily due to Americans attempting to acclimate to the infernal abyss that awaits us all,” said demographer Amanda Burne, who conducted a nationwide survey that could find no other reason why citizens were continuing to move to states like Florida and Arizona. “It appears that many people, faced with the inevitable, decide to jump headfirst into the overheated nightmare that the entire world will find itself in soon enough. While some might choose to avoid the Sun Belt for this reason, others believe they might as well get used to the ceaseless and unforgiving heat charring their bodies.” In a related study published earlier this year, researchers concluded that by the year 2050, anyone still living in the Sun Belt would need to evolve two humps like a camel in order to survive.

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